Study: Americans Still Prefer AIDS Over Soccer
Los Angeles, California (HAHAJK) — A sport that’s still a tough sell for many Americans, a new study shows that many still prefer to acquire the deadly disease AIDS over watching Soccer by an astounding 4 to 1. The study published by HAHAJK Sports in the National Sports Review Journal later this month displays, America’s still aggressive resistance to the sport that remains wildly popular outside of the country.
A young boy unable to contain his emotions after being forced into a MLS soccer concentration camp at a young age
“I find these numbers staggering,” says Dr. Corbert Nathan, a psychologist. “I mean don’t get me wrong, I can’t stand soccer, but would I pick AIDS over soccer? I don’t know. Maybe, Influenza, or Herpes.”
HAHAJK polled 1,000 random sports fans and nearly 800 of them said, that they would rather slowly die of AIDS than be forced to sit through one full soccer game.
“Don’t even get me started on World Cup,” said one participant. “BOOOORRRRRIIIINNNNNGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gimme some of them thar Americany sportsies.”
Despite the study, officials from Major League Soccer (MLS) say they will continue their plan to brainwash children at a young age to enjoy the sport.
Heinrich Burger, MLS Presdient released a statement following the release of the study’s results, “One day everyone in America will enjoy soccer, you’ll see, YOU’LL ALL SEE! Muwahhahahahahahahaah!”
